Ok friends, it’s about to get a little bit more personal up in here…at least for this post.  And it’s going to get a little sentimental.  You have been warned…here goes.

I’ve been a bit of a Negative Nancy lately.  A Debbie Downer.  A – well, I don’t know what other cliched & acronymed names there are, but I’ve just more or less been a bit, well, melancholy.

Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

But no really, to a certain extent, there isn’t anything wrong with that.  It can actually be quite revitalizing, and I’ve made it my business to go about accepting this aspect of my personality (while assuring everyone else that there is a difference between reflective melancholy and clinical depression, and I know when I’ve crossed that line).  But that doesn’t mean it’s easy on the people in my life when I get into these states.  In fact, it’s truly one of the testaments to how much the people in my life love me that they put up with me in spite of – and often during – these moods.  It does not go unappreciated.

But that’s not the point.  The point is that I have been having one of those bouts recently, but it is quite impossible for me to stay there because I keep thinking of the wonderful things I have had and continue to be blessed with.  So while I know you’re probably tired of some of my lists (if there was to be any overarching theme to the chaos of my blog, it would probably be the fact that I articulate myself in lists) I felt the urge tonight to make a list of specific things in my life for which I am very, very thankful for.  This is somewhat akin to the idea of the Happy Book that my friends and I in high school briefly created for ourselves.  The Happy Book(s) were essentially notebooks, decorated in collage on the outside (mine was decorated by my incredible friend Hilary) and inside the owner literally just wrote a list of things that made them happy.  The list could include big-ticket items like, say, your family or an amazing opportunity, or simple things such as colorful post-it notes.  I still have my Happy Book, somewhere in the pile of notebooks I have packed up.  But while it might be worth digging out sometime in the near future, I’ll hit some of the highlights here for you tonight.

~ the opening credits to Big Love ~ button-down shirts ~ my family ~ studying abroad in Spain ~ fresh paper ~ laughter ~ Harry Potter ~ road trips ~ wine ~ dance parties ~ black and white photos ~ Living Parables ~ long walks ~ cards & notes ~ trees ~ soft blankets ~ chiropractors ~ music ~ spices ~ eyeliner ~ cuddling ~ hot showers ~ vacuumn cleaners ~ poetry ~ prayer requests ~ babies learning to talk ~ family meals ~ coffee cups ~ hoop earrings ~ the beach ~ bookshelves ~ Spanish ~ airplane rides ~ cheesecake ~ yarn ~ shampoo ~ quotes ~ old hymns ~ hamburgers ~ long phone calls ~ Arrested Development ~ portraits ~ calendars ~ green ~ singing ~ roses ~ hot chocolate ~ cooking ~ yoga ~ candles ~ the Psalms ~ new pens ~ co-workers ~ manicures ~ Panera’s broccoli & cheddar soup ~ penguins ~ tattoos ~ margaritas ~ eyelashes ~ naps ~ book stores ~ running ~ robes ~ other people’s stories ~ tobacco fields ~ porch swings ~ high school friends ~ weddings ~ new underwear ~ mountains ~ bobby pins ~ dry erase boards ~ ex-boyfriends ~ sweet dreams ~ over-the-counter medication ~ asparagus ~ youtube vides ~ dresses ~ memoirs ~ things that don’t kill you but make you stronger ~ city sidewalks ~ theatre ~ breezes

Well…that’s a good start.  So thankful for you

Have no fear darling readers:  I know it’s been a short while since I’ve written, but you no longer have to wait.  I have returned.  It’s just, what with my oh-so busy schedule of working, sleeping, seeing friends, and reading Harry Potter, there just hasn’t been much time to entertain the blogosphere.

Ok, in reality, life has just been too mundane to be worthy of a post.

But, I actually did something interesting this weekend!  First off, I took 2 days off of work – for a four day weekend!  This is marvelous – and terribly needed.  I was rapidly passing through burn-out and going straight to a hell-fire of existence.  Umm that sounds kind of bitter & whiny, but is actually pretty accurate.

But onto more positive things.

Saturday, for my first day off, I had a lovely time: I slept in, woke up to go straight to a massage, came home and cooked myself a delicious lunch while watching Big Love, and then left for Charlotte with Ms. Jamie Lee and her friend, Karson, to go see the Black Eyed Peas in concert!

Now…I’ve had a rough journey with the BEPs.  And by that I mean that I hated them when they first popped up on the music scene.  Then with songs like “My Humps” they quickly became a (secret) guilty pleasure.  When Fergie came out with her solo album, I pushed her aside into my Britney Spears category: music I very much enjoy but is really only for exercising or dancing around like a fool or singing along to in the car, but isn’t really what I would call “good” music (Sidenote: I do have to say that I have a major soft spot for Britney’s music tho…more evidence that I am drawn to crazy people).  Finally when the Peas’ most recent album, E.N.D, came out, I actually had to start to admit that I like them…or at least a few of their songs.  And that they were good songs.

So this was the mindset with which I was approaching the concert – well, that mindset towards the Peas, and a general “I’m really not a concert person” type of personality.  Previously I had only been to maybe…4 concerts in my life, and while they were kinda fun I’m just, really, not a huge concert person.  Don’t get me wrong – I love my music.  Like love-love.  But I love to enjoy it on my own without the distraction of a million other things/people going on.  Still, Jamie Lee had made me an offer it was really impossible to refuse, so I decided to jump into the fun.

First we ate dinner at Cantina in Charlotte – an INCREDIBLE Mexican restaurant.  We ate: chips & salsa, fresh-made guacamole, fried plaintains (omg so good), and then I ordered enchilads de Dennis (stuffed with chicken, spinach, and a couple of kinds of cheeses).  To drink I had a pomegranate mimosa, and split a pitcher of margarita (which was way pricier than I anticipated…).  It was all delicious.  Highly recommend it.

Next, we headed to the concert; unfortunately, we missed LMFAO’s opening (of “I’m in Miami, Trick” fame) due to the fact that it takes a surprising while to finish a giant pitcher of margarita.  But anyway, we made it to the show with plenty of time for the actual main event.  Now, I’ve heard that the Peas effed it up good at the pre-Super Bowl thing, but I really enjoyed their concert.  I don’t know if it was because the crowd was so huge that everyone was kind of swept up in the music, or if they were just on their game, or what, but it was awesome.  The stage set was pretty cool, and they were really innovative with the way they incorporated technology into the show (not that I’m a huge expert as the most recent concert I went to was Ben Folds, and that was pretty much just him on a stage with a piano).  The costumes were fun, and probably the coolest thing was the way they incorporated improv into their planned performance.   Additionally…it was just fun.  Everyone was dancing and singing along – and BEP def provides good dancing music.  Also…I now have a huge girl crush on Fergie Ferg.  She was so much fun to watch perform.

So, all in all, a pretty enjoyable experience.  And now I’m again on a music explosion kick, which is always fun.  I’ve been spending my remaining days off in Raleigh, and that is always relaxing.  And I get to get laundry done (thanks Sister-Dearest )  And read Harry Potter.  And visit with Beth & Shaloot.  And Cat.   Phew.  Finally a really nice weekend!

…more books to talk about!  To be fair, half of the books were complete page-turners, and the other half were really super short.  As I’m now taking a reading break and just re-reading Harry Potter (and I know I don’t have to tell you how I feel about those books) I might as well go ahead and fill you in on what I just finished reading…

1.  Committed: A Skeptic Makes Peace with Marriage – Elizabeth Gilbert.  This is Liz Gilbert’s second book, her first being eat pray love, one of my all-time favorites.  This book was by no means a disappointment.  I had a really difficult time putting it down, actually.  While still a memoir, this book is slightly more philosophical and sociological than her previous best-seller.  Having both been through terrible divorces, Liz & her lover (met at the end of epl) decide they will never remarry. 

Unfortunately, when the Dept. of Homeland Security blocks Felipe from ever entering the United States again (where Liz’s home and his business are) the only option they really have is…marriage.  So, Liz Gilbert writes this book in a cathartic manner, and we see her attempts to understand marriage – both sociologically and personally.  It is excellently written and I pretty much adore her, so I love absolutely everything she says.  Frighteningly, some of her concerns with marriage are things I have thought myself – and things I know my friends have thought.  So in that sense, it provides interesting social commentary as well.  Oh, also, I want to be Elizabeth’s Gilbert’s best friend.  Thanks.

2. Angela’s Ashes - Frank McCourt.  So, sometime when I was in middle school, my sister or mother or someone read this book…and all I know is ever since then, I have been told that I *have* to read this book.  It took me literally almost 10 years, but I finally got around to it.  And it was worth the wait.  While an incredibly sorrowful tale, McCourt’s writing is just…phenomenal.  You can really hear each person in his life talking to him.

Additionally, I love how he manages to write from the perspective of the age he’s speaking from.  When he’s six years old in the story, the thought process represented is really that of a six year old.  It doesn’t feel so much like looking back as experiencing.  And obviously, the personal triumph he makes over his life’s circumstances is impressive on a number of levels.  Also, I obviously adore any man who as a child fell in love with the words of Shakespeare…it’s kinda my thing.

To briefly summarize, Frank McCourt was born in NYC, America, at the beginning of the Great Depression.  His parents were both Irish immigrants who had a one-night stand of sorts…and since they were Irish Catholic, had to marry.  From there his parents had 4 additional children Stateside.  After the youngest dies, the family is forced to return to Ireland due to financial constraints.  Unfortunately, while McCourt’s father is an excellent dad relationally, he is a raging alcoholic and does not provide for his family; he drinks while the children starve.  Things do not improve much in Ireland in the wake of the Irish famine…and from there the story continues.

3.  Man’s Search for Meaning – Victor E. Frankl.  To continue my vein of somewhat-depressing-but-truly-inspiring-stories-of-personal-growth-and-triumph-in-extreme-adversity, I read this book, recommended to me by Lovell.  Frankl’s psychological memoir of living through the concentration camps in the Holocaust is incredible.  His worldview is truly profound, and his analysis is articulate and thorough.  There are so many just plain and simple good rules for living in this book…it’s all about how when everything is stripped away from us, literally everything, we still have the freedom to choose how we respond.  Ironically, this is a lot of what work is about for me.  It was kinda scary to be mentally comparing concentration camps to my program…whether from the perspective of the clients or the staff.  But in actuality, I guess it is a lesson that spans across a variety of crises: we can only control our own reactions.  We have no control over other people or circumstance.  The main premise of the book is that man can find meaning in life through either achievements, relationships, or suffering.  The paradoxical comfort in this is that even if no other way is open, there is always at least suffering.  And suffering can always at least bring meaning and personal growth.  Truly amazing perspective.

4.  Identity – Milan Kundera.  So uh apparently I was rereading this book.  It was a strange experience tho to keep thinking “Did I finish this book before?” but I couldn’t remember how it ended.  But once I finished it I was like “Oh yeah.  I did read this book already.”  I had just kind of forgotten.  This is not a criticism of the book – I was in a strange place when I read it the first time, and it’s a strange book, and is even intended to read somewhat like a disjointed dream sequence.  But anyway.  This was heavy on the existentialism.  After the emotional drain from the previous two books, it was kind of depressing to read about the uncertainty and meaninglessness in human relationships.  It’s an interesting little story tho, and I do adore Kundera’s writing.  His ability to portray human relationships and dialogue is seemingly effortless.  He really captures the tension in romantic relationships well, especially in terms of the boundaries between independence and love.  Specifically in this novel, he’s dealing with the question of whether or not we ever really know the person we are in relationship with…and how relationships can change our perspectives of our own identities.  How do we maintain our individual identities in the face of the blending found in relationships and the changes that relationships create in our lives?  Heavy shit.  And ironically, it ties back to Elizabeth Gilbert’s book concerning marriage…hm.

So, there you have it.  Lots of provocative thoughts and ideas from these books, but I do need a bit of a break.  So it’s time for some pure, quality entertainment.  However, if you are wanting to ponder some deep-seated questions about people and relationships, I definitely recommend any of these books.  All are quick reads (even the longer ones, just because they’re so good) and all are guaranteed to make you think.

Mother of God.  So.  Today, I had my fourth chiropractic appointment.  I started going last week to help out with the injury I inflicted on myself from my NYE fall on the escalator – during which I apparently misaligned my hip, which created a subluxation in my sacrum & L5 vertebrae.  Because I’m awesome like that.

So anyway, the first consultation was fun; it basically consisted of her telling me that my back is all jacked up in a variety of ways.  Which was fun.

1) This is what a misaligned hip with a sacral subluxation looks like.

So then we began the first adjustment.  The first part of the treatment is attaching electro-stimulus pads to various places on my back & cranking up the electricity, while lying on a doctor’s office type seat that has a rolling massage underneath it.  Next I lie face-down on a table while she takes out an “instrument” that sounds a little bit like a chainsaw, but is actually a fairly pleasant massaging device thingamajig.  And finally, she takes this thing that looks like a gun and pops like a popgun.  It’s job is to push joints back into alignment.  This is somewhat uncomfortable, but by no means excruciating.

The next 2 appointments are essentially the same – 2 or 3 of the 3 above mentioned components.  At my last appointment, she tells me “Your lower back [where the injury occurred] is looking much better.  However, your mid & upper back still need a lot of work.”  Because, oh yeah, these are the other 2 things that were jacked up about my back:

2) Mild scoliosis.  More or less, this is what my scoliosis looks like. 

And 3) slight dowager’s hump at the base of my neck. 

So, there you have it.  These last 2 are the things we’re beginning to tackle.  I go to my appointment today, and things start out all business as usual – except a lot more of those electro-stimulus thingamajigs are in varying locations on my back.  And I happen to mention that my neck has been hurting a lot lately.

Then we get to the part where I lay face down on the table.  At this point she says to me “Are you alright with me using my hands?”  Friends, if a chiropractor asks you if you are alright with them using your hands, and you have never been to a chiropractor before, you might want to hesitate before you say yes.  The next 10 minutes (and it could not have been more than 10 minutes) were insanely fast and shocking and full of discomforting popping sounds.  First she just told me to inhale (on my stomach) and then blow all the air out really quickly…as I’m doing that, she’s putting all her body weight on various spinal/shoulder bones and popping them into place.  Then I lay first on one side, then the other, and she kind of does this thing where she like launches her body onto my hips to knock them back into place.

Then we get to the neck.

She basically grabs my head and twists it in varying positions, causing my body to emit the most sickening crunching sounds I have ever heard it make.  I became a *little* concerned – well, terrified might be a better description.  She even commented at one point, “You’ve been under chiropractic care before?”  Me: “No I haven’t.”  Her:  “Really?  Wow, I’m surprised you didn’t leap off the table when those popping sounds happened.”  So now I’m really freaked out and start to tense up, which is apparently my body’s defense mechanism because now she can’t do anything else   Also she began referring to me in the 3rd person, which was a little awkward, so I was just generally confused.  I was also concerned that if she wanted to, she could potentially snap my head off my body.  It was kind of scary.

But unfortunately, she is right, and my neck and back do feel so much more amazing now.  I can’t believe I still supposedly have 8 more adjustments…I don’t know what else is going to happen.  This came out of *nowhere* and I felt vastly unprepared for it.  I would have preferred the nice little massaging machine that sounds a little bit like a chainsaw, honestly.